Fishing in The Dead Sea

Here I am writing again about how much of a miserable life I have. I’ve always used to say that venting can be therapeutic. It’s my blog’s slogan! But this has slowly been becoming my runaway space where I can blindly write without any grammatical restriction. It’s only words. Words that flow in my mind. Words I feel like writing without caring about who is going to read or what would the reader think.

I’ve always been the caring kind. I don’t know if I can keep on with this, or just give up and start a life of plastic feelings, plastic emotions, plastic facial expression and body language, Plastic everything. Very similar to Barbie world.

I’ve been suffering from writers block for a very long time. Probably the longest I’ve ever lived so far. I don’t really know if I’m having writers block anymore or if I ever had it from the beginning. And here I am again, writing about writers block yet still complain about having that. Weird.

Music doesn’t comfort me anymore. Nothing does. I don’t know what it is but I’ve reached this level of apathy where I can’t be bothered to do, say, or feel anything for anyone at all. Whatever the reason might be.

I have no idea if this is good or bad. I know I’m changing. I know I have been. But it’s not the way I want to be. Moreover, it’s nothing I can control anymore. I know life is all about ups and downs. I know life isn’t what we always want. I know what you all are going to say. I know what you’re thinking of as you’re reading this. I’ve tried it too. It didn’t work.

I wish I know what triggered this change. I’ve been looking deep into my soul trying to find out what’s causing all of this but I just can’t find out the reason why. I’m still looking. I didn’t give up yet. I never will. But it’s becoming exhausting to the point I can’t even bother look into it anymore. I’m twisted because one side of me is telling me to give in but on the other side I want to know what has happened and why is it happening and stop it.

I look around me and I see sad people. Torn between work and poverty. Look the other side and see happy people. Big bellies and fat legs and arms laughing loudly. I look at myself and I see nothing. Absolutely nothing but utter darkness surrounded by absolute apathy.

I listen to music with lyrics I don’t understand trying to find myself in a word I don’t know the meaning of or even how to spell it.

Full of emptiness I am. Or rather, I’ve become I’m afraid. Fishing in the Dead Sea.

PS: I finished writing this post and I swear I have no idea why am I writing this or what is it about. I’m sorry if you end up confused because I am too.


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A View From Gaza: PalFest Gaza 2012 Shut Down

A four-day long chain of events took place in Gaza as a part of PalFest 2012 which has started May 6 to 9. Multinational writers, bloggers, activists, and musicians came to Gaza through Rafah in a way to break the Israeli imposed siege on Gaza Strip for nearly 6 years now.

PalFest organizers had difficulties organizing with the ministries of culture, tourism, and of internal affairs, to make sure everything is legal and with authorization to avoid any issues at all.

The events kicked-off by holding two workshops at both Al-Azhar and the Islamic University of Gaza on writing and blogging in both Arabic and English. PalFest 2012 authors were astonished by the fact that many students attended the workshops. They were more astonished by the fact that most of the attendees were females.

The workshops were followed by a 3-hour session that included speeches, presentations and readings by PalFest authors who later dedicated their time for the audience to ask questions.

The second day of PalFest 2012 witnessed the highest number of attendees as a concert was held in Rashad Al-Shawa. The hall hosted over 900 people who had attended the concert and were impatiently anticipating the Egyptian band, Eskenderella to perform.

Eskenderella’s performance was excellent and the audience was very interactive with the band and they sang along with them, chanted against the regime, and applauded very loud occasionally. The band performed a great collection of songs for the revolution, the martyrs, hunger strikers, anti-regime.

The day closed up with a 4-hour gathering for Palestinian tweeps and bloggers to discuss and talk about the techniques and methodologies activists had followed during the Egyptian revolution and giving them a real-life perspective on life and what is it like in Egypt now as well as explaining things that were unclear or misunderstood for those in Gaza. Unfortunately, the gathering ended up with almost everyone debating, defending, and attacking everybody. Many people had left the gathering for it had become about nothing but politics which wasn’t the desired topic.

On May 8, the third day of PalFest in Gaza, included two workshops in both Rachel Corrie Centre in Rafah and in Assria Centre in Jabaliya similar to the workshops held in the Gaza City-based universities on May 6.

In the last day of PalFest, a session was held in Qasr Al-Basha in the old part of Gaza City. The session included a goodbye performance by Eskenderella as well as speeches, presentations and readings by PalFest authors. The event drifted into politics and suddenly, the electricity was cut. Everybody thought it was the electricity schedule under which, Gaza has been living for years now so they continued the event.

Five minutes later, a suspicious movement was noticed by the hall’s entrance then suddenly, the police storms the hall, confiscated a woman’s camera as she was filming the event and called the event off claiming that there’s no official permit

Meanwhile, the police evacuated everyone as arguments raised between Palfest organizers and the police when the latter physically assault the Egyptian singer Hazem Shahin. Egyptian writer and researcher Amr Ezzat, went to the police asking for the reason the even has been called off. The police told him that his speech is the reason when he said that freedom can’t suppressed under resistance justification.

It’s also been reported that the police was tracking both Amr Ezzat, and Alaa Abdel Fattah on Twitter especially when Ezzat tweeted on Hamas interference in everything saying: ‘They just need enter the toilet with us’

The event conituned at Al-Quds International Hotel in a simpler way. Tareq Hamdan, and Amin Haddad, the Palestinian and Egyptian poets recited some of their poems followed by Shahin playing parts of his songs.

Three hours later, the Chief of Police, his deputy and a colonel in the Interior Ministry visited the hotel. They officially apologized, stating it was an “individual error” and that they have opened an investigation into what happened. They stated that PalFest would always be welcome in Gaza.

A number of Palestinian tweeps tweeted that evening on how what happened isn’t the first and that the police always does it while others apologized to PalFest authors for what happened.

This is PalFest’s official comment on the incident:

The 5th Palestine Festival of Literature (2012), taking place in Gaza for the first time, was shut down by the police on Wednesday evening. Three hours later, the Chief of Police visited the participants to officially apologize, stating it was an “individual error”

The closing event, in Dar al Basha, a historical house in Gaza City, was ordered to close down by police forces. Though the festival organisers had co-ordinated extensively with the Ministry of Culture the police cited “lack of a license” as the reason.

The participants and audience members all left the venue together, and boarded the festival bus and returned to the hotel, where the event was continued in the café.

Three hours later, the Chief of Police, his deputy and a colonel in the Interior Ministry visited the hotel. They officially apologized, stating that they have opened an investigation into what happened, that all the festival volunteers would be safe, and that personal effects that had been left behind in the confusion would be found and returned. They stated that PalFest would always be welcome in Gaza.

As planned, the festival will leave Gaza tomorrow in preparation for its closing event in Cairo on May 11th


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PalFest Gaza 2012

Gaza has been facing a crisis after another for years now. But in spite of that, people in Gaza would always find a way to break the killer routine they have been living for longer than they can remember. About two months ago, a gas crisis has erupted in the Strip killing almost all methods of transportation and factories leaving behind houses sink into darkness for the gas-less generators and streets with almost no cars.

If it wasn’t for the strong-willed nature of the people here, it would be impossible for to go on with life driving the Zionists a bit more upset with every day they make it through. The youth have been doing a lot of hard work trying to break the siege on Gaza Strip for over five years and counting. This includes but not limited to: launching events, hosting international figures to speak or bands to perform or raising awareness on Palestine-related issues or history which is much needed to be known and realized by the youth which represents the majority of the population in Gaza Strip.

Literature is one of the things in life one can never live without, an art not everyone can master. It is also necessary to guarantee better and intellectual generations to better serve the cause and lead to liberating  Palestine.

In a way to break the siege, a group of writers, educators and artists entered Gaza Strip on Saturday, May 06 after hours of waiting at the Egyptian side of Rafah border, the only border between the people in Gaza Strip and the rest of the world. PalFest has officially applied to Egyptian Ministry of Foreign Affairs for travel permits into Gaza. Sunday 29th April was the date they were scheduled to have a response till Thursday May 3rd.

Palfest, Palestine Festival of Literature, will take place in Gaza from May 6th to May 9th, with an event in Ramallah on May 5th and a reprise event in Cairo on May 11th.

It has been a longstanding aim of the festival to travel to Gaza. Since it started in 2008 PalFest has taken the form of a travelling festival – moving to audiences constrained and divided by Israel’s military occupation, establishing creative links between Palestine and the rest of the world and pitting the power of culture against the culture of power.

PalFest has tried several times in the past to reach Gaza from the Occupied Palestinian Territories but has never been able to because of the restrictions put in place by the Israeli Occupation. Gaza has been under siege and isolated from the rest of the world since 2007. 

This May, PalFest 2012 will bring a group of writers, educators and artists through the Rafah crossing from Egypt to perform free public events, run workshops with students of varying ages and meet civil society leaders in Gaza.

PalFest has endorsed the 2004 Palestinian call for the academic and cultural boycott of Israel. PalFest 2012 stands against the siege of Gaza; it is committed to re-invigorating cultural ties between Arab countries, ties that have been eroded for too long. The Festival will be bringing writers and artists from across the Arab world and beyond.

Dr. Haidar Eid, Palfest’s principal partner in Gaza said in a for-immediate-release press release on may 29th: “For the first time, PalFest will conduct activities in besieged Gaza, where Palestinians continue to resist Israel’s illegal blockade which has transformed the occupied Gaza Strip into the world’s largest prison camp. PalFest is a sign of the growing solidarity across borders in our struggle against racism and oppression. Intellectuals and writers played a key role in ending Apartheid in South Africa; likewise, Arab cultural figures are visiting Gaza this year to show solidarity with Palestinian academics and artists in support for their call to increase the global BDS campaign against apartheid Israel.

On behalf of the Palestinian Campaign for the Academic and Cultural Boycott of Israel (PACBI), we deeply appreciate the Arab writers’ principled and consistent support for the Palestinian civil struggle for justice and peace in Palestine.”

The full list of artists attending PalFest 2012 is:

GAZA

Ghada Abd el-Al

Alaa Abd el-Fattah

Suad Amiry

Selma Dabbagh

Najwan Darwish

Amr Ezzat

Amin Haddad

Tariq Hamdan

Nathalie Handal

Manal Hassan

Khaled Khamissi

Jamal Mahjoub

Sahar el-Mogy

Khaled Najar

Youssef Rakha

Ahdaf Soueif

Hyam Yared

Nariman Youssef

& the bands Eskenderella, Jafra and al Salam.

Birzeit & Ramallah

Maya Abu el-Hayat

Rachel Holmes

Abd al-Rahim al-Sheikh

Bee Rowlatt

Imad Sayrafi

Events Schedule:

Gaza:

Sunday May 6th

10am: Workshops
All Universities (check with your Arabic and English departments)

4pm: Speeches, presentations and readings by PalFest authors
Golden Media Centre (opposite al Azhar University)

Monday May 7th

4pm: Concert featuring Jafra, Eskenderella & More
Rashad al Shawa

 

Tuesday May 8th

11am: Workshop
Rachel Corrie Centre, Rafah

11am: Workshop
Assria Centre, Jabalia

Wednesday May 9th

5pm: Speeches, presentations and readings by PalFest authors
Dar al Basha (opposite Qasr al Basha)

PalFest will hold its closing event in Cairo at the Rawabet Space for Performing Arts. The event will take the form of a report back from the participants on what they saw and heard and discussed in Gaza. The PalFest Team says: “We believe in the fundamental unity between Egypt and Palestine and hope that these events will forge new connections between the people of Gaza and Cairo”.


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Untitled Post

It’s been over a month since I’ve written something. It’s been over a month since I’ve been productive. More alive, more socializing, more me. I can’t deny the fact that I’m still feel the same somehow but things has changed. Everything changes, including ourselves. It doesn’t matter how we look at it because it’s still considered change, good or bad.

Change comes with time which itself comes with time too. It’s more like an infinite loop. Or maybe more like two parallel lines. I know for fact that once something or someone changes, it or they can never go back to the old status again. I lie if I say I don’t change, we all lie if we say we don’t change because otherwise, nothing we know now would be here. We wouldn’t have dreams or hopes. And we would be left out in the void with absolutely nothing but the animalistic urges and needs.

I write, because I love writing. Because it’s what I know, deep inside, I know for sure that writing is what I can do best. I write to vent, simply.

This is probably the first time I ever write in day light. Darkness has a great impact on me to the point I’ve become a night owl.

Darkness in Gaza is nothing like anything else anywhere around the world. Darkness in Gaza is only because electricity would be cut.

I’m supposed and I think I have more to write on and talk about. But again, this writer block is getting the best of me. It’s been too long. I hate it. I’m sorry it’s beyond control.


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Apathetic Void

A memory. This is what how I see myself, just like everything and everyone else.
A memory was once the future, became the present, then slowly fades away. Just like every other memory.

I never could imagine myself reaching this level apathy. I never thought I would become so careless about everything. Losing absolutely all and any interest in everything.
I hear people talking, yet my mind refuses to understand what’s being said. Feels almost the same as to hearing people speak to you in a language you don’t understand at all.

I think about what I would want to say. And after hours of thinking, or rather finding the words in mind. Words that are yet to lose their meanings to me. I find a word or two to start with, I open my mouth to speak, then suddenly, I forget what I wanted to say. I try to remember what I wanted to say, I stutter, and all I could see is the void.

*sigh* I never thought I would reach the void. Never thought I would become an apathetic. It’s been over a month since I have written something that makes sense. Maybe more, I don’t know.

And here I am, trying to remember what I was trying to say. I’ve forgotten why I even started writing this post. Only because I’m not literally saying this, I’m filling the space, increasing the word count with words that I seem to have forgotten the meaning of, for an unknown reason.

If I’m to blame someone for what and how I feel right now, I wouldn’t know who or what should I start with. My parents, myself, my friends, economy, people I know, politics, religion, God, israel, and the list goes on to contain literally everything and everyone you can possibly think of.

I would blame my parents for not raising me and helping me realize and understand that the standards they’re raising me up to don’t exist anymore. Or maybe they’ve let me think what I want to think and act accordingly. But this only proofs that this is a major failure my parents have raised me up to live, and become.

I was here once. I’ve known you all. We’ve spoken. We shared secrets. We laughed. We cried. We discussed politics and traditions. Even the weirdest of things. We grew up together. Feelings grew too. We met people. We forget about each other, slowly. Ending up a memory. A memory that might one cherish for a second. Or a memory that had never existed.


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Palestine Comes First

It’s been a very long since I actually have written something creative. I think it’s because of the lack of inspiration. Or maybe, which I rather think of as, that my life has been dramatically changing from almost all aspects, for the better.

on a lighter note, I can’t seem to find the paragraphs in my posts smoothly transitioning. I know they don’t smoothly transition and I do realize it’s not an easy thing to do. But finding something new to write about every single week isn’t really my thing because I know when I want to write, I write what can be very heart-touching or amazing to the point that one could never imagine how very much detailed or simply put one can do.

Tuning another page for another note, I don’t know whether I should feel sorry, pity, hate or  even disgust for those who would give up something tens of thousands would kill for, a Palestinian nationality, for an American one. I am done hiding things in my heart and mind and it’s time to take it all off my chest. I am probably one of those people who wears his heart on his sleeves, but not when it comes to things that can never be stood. Saying that you feel truly sorry for having to throw the Palestinian nationality for a Green Card is simply pitying. We all know that deep inside you’ve always been wishing that you’ve never come to Gaza or lived any moment of your life here. But saying it out loud for everyone to read that you’re really sad that you no longer will be a holder of that for this one is not and is never an excuse which is totally, completely, absolutely refused and is unacceptable by all means.

Nothing is more honoring yet dooming at the same time than being a Palestinian. It’s a bragging right you’re born with. Something many, many people would kill for. Kill a zionist of course. Don’t bother to explain to me how a lot better it is to exchange your Palestinian citizenship for an American one because if this means something it means that you’ve given up on Palestine, Palestinians, and more importantly the Palestinian cause.

Thousands of people have been killed, wounded, and detained by the israel occupation in Palestine fighting to hard a stone, a slingshot and a bare chest, trying their utmost to free whatever they can from the holy land of Palestine that has been and is being raped before the eyes of the millions for over 64 years and counting.

I’m not trying to act all patriot and all Palestine-lover here. I’m saying things from the top of my head, and I believe that many other believe the same. I know that we all hate life in Gaza which is gradually becoming difficult to the point where only us Palestinians can live through, yet wake up with a bright smile every morning hoping for a better day and a brighter future. That’s when every inch is liberated.

Palestine isn’t a place to easily adapt living in. But it’s your homeland. Your destiny. Your grandparents were buried here. Fathers, brothers and sisters. Those are not numbers. Those names with faces that once had the same smile on.

And if there’s a reason why you’re alive, it’s because you’re to help your brothers and sisters free Palestine. If you disagree, know that Palestine has disowned you. And once this happens, there’s no way back.


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