It has been a very long time since I last published anything anywhere on the Internet. I’ve been trying to find an excuse, but I couldn’t. Maybe because I went into temporary unconsciousness, or maybe the brain-orgasmic feeling I used to get as I write doesn’t satisfy me anymore. Here I am, decided to publish this piece this time and still looking for an excuse.
I always think about what stopped me from writing so often like I used to but end up with a thousand meaningless thoughts and reasons in my mind. I don’t know if you blame me for not writing for such a very long time. I know I should’ve kept on writing no matter what happens. But sometimes life can get way out of control, and my life profoundly did.
I’m writing this as I think of a reason why am I writing and what is it that I’m going to write about? Should I write how very culturally shocked I am for all I’ve seen since I left Gaza? Or should I write about my experience? What should I exactly write about? Feelings? Experiences? Neither? Either? Something else?
A countless thoughts flowing into my brain working really hard to process any into something I can benefit from.
I left Gaza 33 days ago, during which, I’ve been through a lot of everything. The escalator, the tube, the bus, the taxi (which is very much different that what I’m used to from back home), huge supermarkets, laws, people, atmosphere, pubs, cafes, long food and drinks menus I couldn’t understand accompanied with this overwhelming fear of trying anything I don’t know because my stomach wouldn’t like it, and the difficulty of going to somewhere nice and trying to settle for seafood or something vegetarian because they don’t serve Halal meat.
Apart from this, I like how the community accepts the fact that some people don’t drink or eat pork. It makes me feel comfortable to a level. People would always assume that I don’t drink of eat pork for religious purposes but it honestly has nothing to do with it. I look at it from a personal perspective. Pork isn’t my type of meat and it’s scientifically proven that it’s not good for health, and alcohol smells bad and tastes horrible.
Although people would reply to that by saying they like to feel high and good and forget about their problems for a while but I would always reply back saying that forgetting about your problems by drinking isn’t going to solve any at all. Fact is, your problems will accumulate and life will be really difficult to endure gradually. If you want to feel high, you can eat a lot of food and smoke a regular cigarette and if you want to have fun, just go somewhere nice with people you love to be with. Problem solved!
The weather is cold. Autumn here is nothing different from winter in Gaza. I’m anticipating winter with fear slowly crawling into my heart. The incredible amounts of rain, the raging wind and the distance I have to talk from my house to the station to my campus and back. I look at it as taking a shower in public, free of charge! Don’t forget to bring your towel and shampoo with you.
There are so many things I want to write about but something I don’t know keeps pushing me away from it. I want to write how I feel and see especially that this is my first time to travel in my life.
I don’t know if I miss home, or if it’s still early to miss home. I don’t know if I will ever miss it. But I undoubtedly miss those close to heart.