Life is Hard

Here we are
Standing in front of each other
Whining, complaining,
shouting, and yelling
Crying on one another’s shoulder
Moaning about life and
How hard it has always been,
Is, and will continue to be
About how cold and lonely
Our nights are, waiting for something
If even a smile, to feel the warmth
We’ve been looking everywhere for
It’s an equation that’s too simple if
We break it down it’ll become complicated
Deep down lies an urge to do it
But the question is whether we dare to
Knowing that breaking the equation down
Is the only way to solve it
Because complaining and crying doesn’t help
Nor will it change a fact.
It’s hard work and thoughtful actions
That make life a better place
But don’t be fooled thinking that’s all
For surrounding yourself with souls
That make you happy
Isn’t any less important
Complaining doesn’t help
Nor does crying bring the dead back

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عن الزواج والغُربة والمنطق

موضوع المقال المرة هادي هو موضوع إلي بحكي فيه من فترة طويلة نسبيّاً لأنه موضوع جداً مُربك.

الموضوع بكل اختصار هو الزواج. أنا مش راح أقعد اقول والله أنا بدّي أكمّل نص ديني التاني وأتزوّج، ولا راح أقول زي ما كتير ناس بتحكي -غالباً على سبيل المزاج- بدّي أصوم عشان أنا مش قادر أتزوّج في الوقت الحالي اقتداءاً بالحديث النبوي الشريف “من لم يستطع منكم الباءة فليتزوج ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم”.

في ناس كتير بتقول -وخاصة كتير من البنات- إنّه أنسب سن للشب للزواج هو أواخر العشرينات أو منتصف الثلاثينات من العمر. والبنت مهيّ هيك هيك راح تتزوّج وعريس الغفلة واقف عَ الباب بستنى فيها. شغلة محيراني، من وقتيش في عمر مناسب وعمر مش مناسب للزواج؟ ومن وين لوين البنت بطلعلها تحدّد العمر المناسب للشاب إنّه يزوّج؟ إذا كنتي معارضة إنّه الشاب يتزوّج في عمر خلينا نقول تجاوزاً إنّه مُبكّر -يعني أوائل أو منتصف العشرينات- فأنا بقول خليني معارضة فكرة إنّك إنتي تتزوّجي شاب في العمر هادا. أو بلاش، ليش ما إنتي تستنّي لحد ما تصيري بالعمر هادا وبعدين تفكري بالزواج؟

عمر الشخص أبداً ما كان معيار لنضوجه. بالتالي، ممكن يكون الشخص عمره ٢٨ سنة لكن مش أكتر من عالة على أهله وطفل في جسد رجل، شخص غير ناضج لا فكرياً ولا اجتماعياً وما بيجي من ورا راسه غير المشاكل. هل هذا الشخص مناسب للزواج لمجرّد إنّه عمره يقع في الفئة العمريّة المناسبة؟ وأي فئة عمريّة هذه؟ فئة عمريّة مفروضة اجتماعيّاً لإرضاء غاية معيّنة لا أكثر ولا أقل.

إذا الشخص في وضع بسمحله وقادر مادياً وعقلياً إنّه يتزوّج، ليش يستنّى عشان يصير عمره مناسب للزواج؟ مش عارف مين بيضحك عالتاني أنا بصراحة. بعدين صحيح، هو ليش العمر المناسب للشب للزواج في أواخر العشرينات بينما العمر المناسب للفتيات للزواج هو – في أغلب الأحيان- لما يشرّف عريس الغفلة؟ -اللّي غالباً بكون مبكّر مقارنةً بعمر الشاب. هذا الكلام مش بالضرورة بغلي أو بنفي إنّه مجتمعنا حط قيود كمان على عمر البنت. لاحظوا هنا إنّي ما بعمّم ولا بحب التعميم لا في كلامي ولا كلام غيري و أنا -زي ما قلت في الأوّل- بحكي من منظور شخصي خاص فيّا أنا وبمثلني أنا.

الشغلة التانية هي إنّه ليش لما يروح شاب يطلب إيد بنت على سُنّة الله ورسوله بروح أبوها -أو ولي أمرها- شروط تعجيزيّة خاصة في أوضاع اقتصاديّة مترديّة لدرجة بتخلّي الحجر ينطق. الكلام ينطبق مش بس على غزّة على فكرة، لكن حتى عنّا في بريطانيا، وفي كل دول العالم للأسف. على الأقل -وللأسف- في غزة تكمن أحد أهم المشاكل في أغلب الأحيان إذا كان الشاب لاجئ أو مواطن. وياريت بس على قدر هيك! بتوصل الأمور لمرحلة إنّه لا هادا ابن منطقة فلان وإحنا بنعطيش بنتنا لحدا من هناك (هادا الكلام بصير بين المواطنين وبعض واللاجئين وبعض). الموضوع هادا مش بس عيب، لكن مُخزي لدرجة فاضحة.

نرجع للشروط التعجيزيّة، في بلاد الخواجات، واللّي مش عارف يعرف، أغلب الأحيان إذا كان الشاب المتقدّم عربي وطالب إيد بنت عربيّة للزواج -من حملة جواز سفر البلد الأجبني- أوّل حاجة بتيجي في بال أهل البنت إنه الشاب هادا جاي طالب إيد بنتنا طمع في أوراقها. الأمر اللّي للأسف الشديد صحيح في أغلب الأحيان واللّي أثّر على كتير شباب هدفهم من الزواج مش الجنسيّة و لو شاطر تثبت لأهلها صِدق النيّة.

بعدين إيش قصّة المهور العالية؟ زمان كانت المهور ليرة دهب، وبعدين صارت جمال وغنم، تطورت وصارت دهب بوزن البنت وصولاً لأرقام خيالية يعجر المرء عن قراءتها غالباً. يعني على سبيل المثال، أروح أنا شاب على قد حالي زي الناس المحترمين أطلب إيد بنت فلان ويطلب مهر عشرة أو عشرين ألف جنية أسترليني، بصراحة مش قادر أتخيّل مقدار الصدمة اللي راح تصيبني. عفواً بس ليش مهر المحروسة هلقَد؟ طلعت على القمر زحف؟ سألت ناس كتير عن سبب غلاء المهور وإغلب الإجابات كانت بإنّه الحياة أصلاً غالية وأيش بجيب المبلغ الفلاني. يعني ليرة دهب زمان إيش بالله كانت تجيب ولا تسوى؟ للأسف، تحوّلنا من مجتمع بني آدمين لمجتمع استهلاكي مادّي بالدرجة الأولى.

إذا كان مطلوب من الشاب إنّه يحوّش كل المبلغ هادا عشان يقدر يتزوّج، وقتيش بالزّبط راح يحوشه؟ المهر لسا أول المصاريف والحبل عّ الجرّار. لسّا في شَبْكة ذهب وهدايا وطلعات ونزلات وشمّات هوا وتعفيش بيت وترتيبات الفرح وغيره من المصاريف التانية. طيب مش هادا كلّه على ضهر المعتّر الغلبان؟ هو الشاب راح ياخد البنت تشتغل خادمة في البيت تطبخ وتنظّف وراه طول عمرها وهو هيك بكون دفع راتبها لحد ما تموت؟ ولّا راح ياخدها من بيت أبوها لبيته وبيتها سوا ويعيشوا ويسعدوا بعض؟ بعرف الجملة التالية قديمة ومعِتّة لكن، من وقتيش المصاري كل اشي؟

إذا أنا قادر أدفع جبل مصاري كمهر لبنتك مش بالضرورة يكون معناها إنّه أنا الشب المناسب لبنتك. الوصف الأنسب للموقف هذا هو: جيبتي هي الجيبة الأنسب إلك ولبنتك.

أنا ما بقول ولا بطالب بإلغاء المهور. أصلا الفكرة ولا أجت في بالي إلّا هلقيت-لحظة كتابتها- لكن بمتنّى أولياء الأمور ياخدوا كتير أمور في عيب الاعتبار و إذا في مجموعة ناس بتقدر تدفع مليون كمَهر، مش معناها إنّه الكل قادر يعمل هيك، وبالتالي في شريحة كبيرة جداً من الشباب المظلومين من الناحية هادي على الأقل!

أخيراً، بنتك مش من نسل الصحابة عشان تطلب فيها مهر بشتري فيه قطعة أرض. وأنا ما بقول أعطِ بنتك لواحد أخلاقه وحَسَبه ونَسَبه إشي بنضرب فيه المثَل وما معه مصاري يعيّش بنتك عيشة على الأقل بمستوى العيشة اللّي عايشاها في بيت أبوها، ولا واحد فش عنده غير المصاري. المنطق بلعب دور كبير في كل أمورنا الحياتية، لكن وقتيش آخر مرّة استخدمنا عقولنا صح؟

مش تبرير للّي بصير لكن، فكركم مش هادي شوية أسباب خلّت الشباب تتوجّه للعلاقات الغير شرعية أو الزواج من أجنبيَات وارتفاع مستويات العنوسة في المجتمعات؟

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Like someone

Like a nomad
I roam the hearts
Looking for fresh pasture
Yet none is my home

Like a nomad
Honest and simple
I settle for little
And easy to please

Like a shepherd
I care for my sheep
And by sheep I mean others
But my sheep are mindless

Like anyone
I laugh, love, and cry
I hate, pretend, and ignore
And I don’t tolerate things

So don’t blame me
When distance grows
When we grow like we met
Strangers

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Rules of Language

I know it’s been a while since I shared any of the thoughts that scream to escape my head, to paper. I found peace by writing using pen and paper rather than tapping on a screen or a keyboard even though both are used as a mean to form what’s into my head into a human readable set of characters known as letters arranged in certain ways. Rules everywhere, even if I wanted to morph the screeching thoughts into words, I would have to follow rules. Unfortunately, this form of arranged letters wouldn’t be understood yet remain readable. Rules exist to create a middle ground and serve as a standard. We are all taught these standards so we can easily communicate.

Does this mean I still have to obey the rules of language for others to understand? No. We can still communicate without a language. And I’m not talking about sign language because even that is subject to a set of rules. have you guessed what I’m thinking of? we were born with it. we learn it from those around us usually by observation especially when we were little kids and would imitate our parents or older siblings. Now you would wonder if this natural body language is subject to rules like alphabetic and signal languages. If you look at it as such, you’re right. If you don’t, you’re right as well. You would still wonder how come? How can I still be right either way? It’s harder than what you think it is, yet easier than what you thought it would be.

These rules can be classified under several categories. Social rules, for example, tell us what should and what shouldn’t be done. While the scope of what is acceptable and what’s not can be broad or narrow depending of the values and probably traditions of the society we are brought up in. This very scope can be be subject to conflict between the society we belong to and the society we grow up in given that both are different. Like being an Arab living in the West for instance. Some people choose to abide by and follow some or all rules implied by either or both societies, regardless of the conflict between the two, simply because that’s how it’s supposed to be, in their opinion. On the contrary, others might choose to find or rather create a middle ground for themselves where common Do’s and Don’ts exist and are to be acted upon accordingly. The rest, on the other hand, would decide that this is a complicated matter and that they can’t or don’t see the possibility of the foundation of a grey area but rather see things in white and black and spend -or waste- a lot of time trying to decide what to choose as a result of conflict between the rules of the society they come from and that of where they grew up and reach a conclusion of not choosing anything and simply “follow your instinct”.

It’s important to not forget that there are people who grew up in the society they come from yet choose not to abide by any of the rules imposed by the society. We are born free after all but freedom isn’t practiced as it should be and as of why, elucidating could last for years but that’s for you to think about.

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Solitude and Success

It has been a while since I have started doing things alone more often. By things, I mean the things that people usually do with the company of other people like going out to dine, to drink, to walk, and so on. I don’t see anyone and I don’t go out with anyone but myself. I tend to have created my own world where I interact with other people through a screen and I’m gradually applying this approach on real life as I communicate with people I come across. Those of you who know me personally know that I’m very helpful and very giving, I tend to overthink, over-analyse, and favour people over myself. A thing that has been putting me only closer to my destruction, I would say.

I read a lot on why would someone choose oneself and live in solitude rather than living [in harmony] with other people, how would it feel to be alone and with no or little interaction with others, how to stop caring too much, how not to waste so much time and effort and how to stop following my heart but rather my instinct and mind, amongst many other things. As a result, I decided to stop caring too much and giving everything I have for the sake of others. If I’m asked for help or a favour and it’s beyond my power, I won’t do it. I won’t run that extra mile for you. I will run it for myself. I’m not going to waste my time on sensitive ass bitches who cry for help as soon as something happens because if you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody will. As simple as that!

I live one life, and I always aim at the top because being like someone else is a waste of time. I work hard to be the best at what I do, not just someone good or excellent; the best. I used to run away from hard work, postpone it, and always prefer the easy way until I woke up and realised that the saying “easy come, easy go” is so true it could wipe everything in a blink of an eye. Success is not a product we buy off-the-shelf at the pharmacy or the supermarket. It’s a mix of sweat, blood, and tears. It’s the power of will that resides within. Success is that lone voice that always tells us that we can do it when everyone is screaming, “you can’t”.

Living in solitude saves me so much time and effort to focus on myself to become who I want to be; a stronger, and more determined man. I don’t have time for naysayers, and people who only contact me when they’re in need. I’m not saying that I’m going to be selfish but I have wasted so much time and energy on so many people I crossed path with and I only ended up regretting doing every good deed to help them and have decided to not live that anymore.

Am I happily living in solitude?
No, I’m not. And I’m not living like this for the rest of my life. I’m moving forward, changing the rules of the game in which, others have found me always available. It’s time I focus on myself. If you need my help, I’ll still be there only if you’ve always been there for me because, you see, “what goes around, comes around”.

“You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets” – Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Transitioning into Poetry

I’m still lost. I, for once, wish I can figure out where I am and what am I doing. So I try to do something about it. Try to find myself and figure out what do I do and where do I go next. So I light up the a scented candle, turn off the light, dim the screen and gently type whatever flows from my brain, the voice within in the back of my head, through my body, to my finger tips pressing different keys forming what you, and I are reading right now to this point. All of this, and more, is happening at I look away, trying to keep my eyes with something else; the candle. So I look at it, watch it melt the coloured wax that evaporates leaving a nice scent. Scented candles are like some people. People who leave us and leave something behind for us to remember them.

It is oftentimes that I have been told, continuously, that I need to go out more and meet people. But it’s usually that I’m not very satisfied at the end. I’m not sure what it is the problem exactly but I know for sure that it is not my fault.

“Why?” you’d ask.

I’m glad you asked, honestly. Though this might go out of context and control, but it is clear that people meet, especially those who are “looking” to meet a potential “partner” (of any sort, that is) and ideally, if you are a student, you have automatically been eliminated – and this includes all activities. This seemed to have crossed not just the border or the red line, but all lines created by man including yours.

I don’t normally take things personally, but how rude is it to stop talking to someone from the same gender as yours because somebody from the other gender has passed by and is then asked (by that person) to sit down and you end up being automatically eliminated and another conversation starts between these two people? What kind of jungle is this? Or rather, what kind of an animal you are? I’m not sorry to say this but, you’re an absolute piece of shit, always have, and always will be.

This is one example that happens very occasionally to the point it occurs every time I go out with a group of people to socialise. Thinking about it again, it is entirely my fault not just for agreeing on meeting up with people – Arabs in particular – who want to meet up because, well, we are Arabs from colonised countries and we live in the colonisers land and meet up would be a good thing to do, to meet people who come probably not only from the same homeland you come from, but also share the same language and history of yours, to name a couple. But this is only my own assumption, which could be wrong, entirely or partially.

It makes me want to be with you.

It took me 499 words to figure out where I want to be. With you.

I love how
You occupy my mind
And I, yours

I love how
You occupy part of my time
Thinking about you
And another part
Thinking if you do too

I love how
I smile when I think of you
And when I do things
That remind me of you

I love how
You inspire me
To read, to write, to laugh, to eat
How everything I do
Has to do with you

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