The seconds spent staring at a white page waiting for the very first few words to come out unleashing the ideas forming them into words. The minutes spend waiting for this special person to show up, the moment you see their face and the same moment a wide smile is drawn upon your very lips making your heart jump. The moment the electricity goes out when it’s dark and how creepy it starts to feel knowing that there are drones over your head twenty-four seven.

The moment you wake up on a very loud noise realizing it’s coming from your neighbor’s huge generator right across the street because the electricity was cut out. Crowded street with thousands of honking cars making different sounds resulting very loud noise making even a phone call difficult.

The cold water you have to wash your face with in the winter’s cold mornings.  Every breath you take. The times you laugh and cry. The moments you share with your beloved ones, friends and family. The very though of setting up a great goal for your life and how to work up to it doing all you can do to achieve. The moment you celebrate your graduation from the university is incomparable. Then, the fact that you are going to stand tall in an endless queue of unemployment unless, of course, favoritism comes in play.

Meeting people and making new friends, then having a good laugh and a shoulder there for you to cry on. Opening up to people you have never met or think you probably would never meet them for some reason and them promising that they will help you out. You love them so much that you can’t imagine your life without them. Then suddenly, they disappear.

The love of your life cheats on you and when you ask why? They don’t give you an answer. You meet someone and you like them, you do your best to attract their attention, you like them more and they like you the same way back. You are so close to telling them how you feel yet they slam you with harsh words describing themselves as heartless, careless, and blood-sucking creatures bragging about how other people would kill to talk to them, greet them, etc.

You think about it again. You re-consider your feelings and all the happy times you thought for a second you shared. You slam everything against the wall, get your heart broken, and try to move on but something always brings you back to them. Then you think again if they even have the least interest in us or they’re just being who they are and it’s just us who see the world in pink and our hearts beat so rapidly whenever we think of them or see/hear something that reminds us of them. How truly heartbreaking people can be?

Back to where I started, hopeless and sad. It kills me seeing those I once was with in the same class occupying good jobs and are on the stairway to starting their own lives. Some had gotten engaged while the others are married. Life keeps everyone busy and only true friends do reunite no matter what happens.

I know being twenty-four years old is still young according to some. But in the Middle East it’s time to get married. I am not saying that I am going to obey and follow the traditions here, but I think I am ready to take responsibility and start my own life with the woman I will truly love endlessly and share every moment with. She’ll later die and my heart will get broken again.

Why all this depression?

Nader K.

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About Nader Elkhuzundar

Nader Elkhuzundar is a commentator on Palestinian affairs and Co-founder of Beyond Compromise (www.beyondcompromise.com). Elkhuzundar occasionally freelances for The Guardian, International Business Times, and others. He's a social media enthusiast and tech savvy with particular interest in new technologies and analytics, and enjoys reading over Arabic coffee and dark chocolate.
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8 Responses to Random

  1. Saji says:

    <3 love it! So true 🙂 thats life

  2. Mirna Miranda says:

    Dear Sleepless in Gaza,

    Such passion from a sleepless poet in Gaza amidst the turmoil of life! The siege cannot trap the spirit of your prose! It has reached my shores and traveled inland, haunting my existence as if a splinter of my soul belongs to Gaza. The dark expanse, filled with drones, hovers in the skies of my dreams as I float into sleep. The dark silence of night echos the pulse of life in Gaza one more time at the end of each day. I know in my heart that when I awaken, part of me has journeyed back to Gaza on the wing of a drone to keep watch over my brothers and sisters another day until we are all free to be be whole again!
    With love and respect,
    Sleepless in Colorado, USA

  3. sumii says:

    Nader, have I told you before I LOVE your writing style? Yet another piece that proves how capturing &amazing your writing is. Keep at it bro!

  4. Omnimojo says:

    Another beautifully written piece. Sadly I know your pain only too well. The days when it feels like you’re suffocating, lost, like every laboured footstep only leads to a dead end. Alas that’s life; prayer and hope is all we have left.

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