Inspiring and heartfelt, that’s what I hear whenever someone reads my blog. Thank you, on the other hand, is all I can reply to that with. Hearing/reading such feedback fills my heart with joy and this is one of the reasons I will never stop writing. I always discover something new about myself, things I love and hate, like and dislike. I always try to find answers to questions I have always asked myself. I have always said that I will never change; I have kept my promise for quite long time, until I started discovering the true me. Turns out I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be some day, and I am really loving it every time I find out that I have changed, but to the better.
As you may all know, I have graduated last week. Which means that the journey of 5 years has ended for good, and I am very glad that my graduation project got the first rank and we, my partner and I, were honored. I still can’t believe it finally happened. Can’t believe that I have finally graduated.
Everything comes to an end, and so did this journey through which, I have met many people, made very good friends, and luckily enough, no enemies at all; at least that’s what I think. I forever will cherish the moments of this journey how it started and how it ended, and everything happened in between.
The same state has hit again. And I can no longer direct my thinking towards one thing. I can’t seem to think about something in particular because whenever I try to do that thousands of other thoughts interrupt and cut the thread this very thought to my mind was hanging, and I go into a confusing maze of thoughts while trying to reverse-thinking makes it even harder to escape. Hence, I am completely lost, again.
I am finally a graduate, I have finally succeeded in achieving one long-term goal of mine, and I finally can cross this goal forever. Now that this journey has ended, I have come to a crossroads, and the overthinking state begun facing a tsunami of ideas and thoughts which for a while seem all will have come to absolute failure, or success.
Marriage is one of the things that we all have to stop by some day. In Gaza, it has become a tradition that you get married after that you graduate. If you are a graduate and live in Gaza, you surely know what I am talking about. If not, well, this is how it goes, in many cases, here in Gaza.
Now that you are a graduate, favoritism will absolutely play a main role here. You get yourself hired by a good company or institution, and if you don’t know a girl in which you see your future wife, your mother and/or sister(s) shall start looking for one, a relative, a friend, or a colleague. If you do, then you have saved yourself and your family so much time and effort. You propose, get engaged, and a few months later you guys are married. Congratulations.
Personally, I don’t like nor run for favoritism, and that’s possibly why I am still unemployed. And being unemployed doesn’t qualify me to get married. I better hurry up, many people tell me. It is not that I don’t want to get married. And I am not against the idea. I would love to get married, settle down and start my own family. What a great feeling is it to have kids who carry your name, and pride. It’s just that I don’t know what to do, get a job and consequently get married? Or wait? While waiting will do nothing at all, not employed, not anything.
Another option is, to seek a master’s degree scholarship in a respected and accredited university, and during the time I am studying, I look for a part-time job and probably meet the girl of my dreams, get married and start my dream of having my own family.
Then again, a thought interrupts and I start asking myself questions to which only God knows the answer. What if I didn’t succeed in finding a scholarship? What if I did but couldn’t leave because the borders were closed? What will I do if all of this falls apart? I know I can do it, I believe in myself but…
Next, I think of starting my own business, or work at home, there has to be some way through which I can do that. There’s always a way to something, at least one, and if not, there’s always a way around. Nothing is impossible. Determination is a rule here.
I go back to my room, close the door and sit on the chair behind my desk. Next thing I feel is, helpless with endless tied raging ambitions. But no, that’s not the end of this.