Thoughtful Crossroads

Inspiring and heartfelt, that’s what I hear whenever someone reads my blog. Thank you, on the other hand, is all I can reply to that with. Hearing/reading such feedback fills my heart with joy and this is one of the reasons I will never stop writing. I always discover something new about myself, things I love and hate, like and dislike. I always try to find answers to questions I have always asked myself. I have always said that I will never change; I have kept my promise for quite long time, until I started discovering the true me. Turns out I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be some day, and I am really loving it every time I find out that I have changed, but to the better.

As you may all know, I have graduated last week. Which means that the journey of 5 years has ended for good, and I am very glad that my graduation project got the first rank and we, my partner and I, were honored. I still can’t believe it finally happened. Can’t believe that I have finally graduated.

Everything comes to an end, and so did this journey through which, I have met many people, made very good friends, and luckily enough, no enemies at all; at least that’s what I think. I forever will cherish the moments of this journey how it started and how it ended, and everything happened in between.

The same state has hit again. And I can no longer direct my thinking towards one thing. I can’t seem to think about something in particular because whenever I try to do that thousands of other thoughts interrupt and cut the thread this very thought to my mind was hanging, and I go into a confusing maze of thoughts while trying to reverse-thinking makes it even harder to escape. Hence, I am completely lost, again.

I am finally a graduate, I have finally succeeded in achieving one long-term goal of mine, and I finally can cross this goal forever. Now that this journey has ended, I have come to a crossroads, and the overthinking state begun facing a tsunami of ideas and thoughts which for a while seem all will have come to absolute failure, or success.

Marriage is one of the things that we all have to stop by some day. In Gaza, it has become a tradition that you get married after that you graduate. If you are a graduate and live in Gaza, you surely know what I am talking about. If not, well, this is how it goes, in many cases, here in Gaza.

Now that you are a graduate, favoritism will absolutely play a main role here. You get yourself hired by a good company or institution, and if you don’t know a girl in which you see your future wife, your mother and/or sister(s) shall start looking for one, a relative, a friend, or a colleague. If you do, then you have saved yourself and your family so much time and effort. You propose, get engaged, and a few months later you guys are married. Congratulations.

Personally, I don’t like nor run for favoritism, and that’s possibly why I am still unemployed. And being unemployed doesn’t qualify me to get married. I better hurry up, many people tell me. It is not that I don’t want to get married. And I am not against the idea. I would love to get married, settle down and start my own family. What a great feeling is it to have kids who carry your name, and pride. It’s just that I don’t know what to do, get a job and consequently get married? Or wait? While waiting will do nothing at all, not employed, not anything.

Another option is, to seek a master’s degree scholarship in a respected and accredited university, and during the time I am studying, I look for a part-time job and probably meet the girl of my dreams, get married and start my dream of having my own family.

Then again, a thought interrupts and I start asking myself questions to which only God knows the answer. What if I didn’t succeed in finding a scholarship? What if I did but couldn’t leave because the borders were closed? What will I do if all of this falls apart? I know I can do it, I believe in myself but…

Next, I think of starting my own business, or work at home, there has to be some way through which I can do that. There’s always a way to something, at least one, and if not, there’s always a way around. Nothing is impossible. Determination is a rule here.

I go back to my room, close the door and sit on the chair behind my desk. Next thing I feel is, helpless with endless tied raging ambitions. But no, that’s not the end of this.

Nader K.

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About Nader Elkhuzundar

Nader Elkhuzundar is a commentator on Palestinian affairs and Co-founder of Beyond Compromise (www.beyondcompromise.com). Elkhuzundar occasionally freelances for The Guardian, International Business Times, and others. He's a social media enthusiast and tech savvy with particular interest in new technologies and analytics, and enjoys reading over Arabic coffee and dark chocolate.
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8 Responses to Thoughtful Crossroads

  1. Bee says:

    Indeed, how very profound and inspiring! You’re speaking your thoughts and that’s important, it’s the most powerful way to act upon them.
    Don’t consider the what ifs, simply act. You know what you want deep inside, act upon that, if you want to fall in love, then it is not something you plan, it just happens whilst finding a good career opportunity is another case, working on a scholarship application is another case as well. Both can be planned and right now, are in your circle of control. Go out there and expose what you’ve got, hunt for your passions and you’ll receive the outcomes you’ve always contemplated upon and even better.

    Good Luck and Congratulations on graduating!!

    • Nader K. says:

      Thank you!
      To be honest, i am still confused and i still didn’t figure out what to do. A con of staying here would be letting go of half of my dreams. I am not saying that i want to achieve all of my dreams without having to sacrifice some. but im totally left without options, yet confused about where should i start form.

  2. Jewel says:

    Do you know what I love about you most Nader? The fact that you have ambition, drive and vision. Something that many young men and women for that matter are severely lacking here in the UK. Not ALL of course but sadly a huge portion of British society and those with all the trappings of what the western world can offer. Graduating can indeed appear like an anti- climax, a reality check that now you have graduated you have to make all that hard work worthwhile, bear the fruit of your labours so to speak. Things will gradually fall into place i’m sure. We have a saying in the UK ‘One door closes and another one opens’ and I know many new doors are going to open for you!

    • Nader K. says:

      I love your comments Jewel. It’s very confusing and i guess i am overthinking this. I know that there has to come a time at what written will happen. yet, it’s I who will decide what path to follow and thus i shall face the consequences.
      I pray all of this comes to a near end.

  3. قال رسول الله :” احفظ الله يحفظك.احفظ الله تجده تجاهك.أذا سألت فسأل الله واذا استعنت فاستعن بالله واعلم ان الامة لو اجتمععت على ان ينفعوك بشيء لن ينفعوك الا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك وان الامة لو اجتمعت على ان يضروك بشيء لن يضروك الا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك.رفعت الاقلام و جفت الصحف.”

    On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas who heard the Prophet SallaAllahu ‘Aleyhi wa Sallem said:

    “Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] :
    Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you.
    If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah.

    Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you.

    The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried…..”
    [An Nawawi]

    إن الله عنده علم الساعة وينزل الغيث ويعلم ما في الأرحام وما تدري نفس ماذا تكسب غدا وما تدري نفس بأي أرض تموت إن الله عليم خبير

    Indeed, Allah [alone] has knowledge of the Hour and sends down the rain and knows what is in the wombs. And no soul perceives what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul perceives in what land it will die. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.
    [Surat Luqman 31:34]

    So my little brother, LIVE! Enjoy and Mabrouk on your graduation!! May Allah Subhana wa Ta’ala increase you in knowledge and blessings, for you and your loved ones for dunya and ‘l ‘Akheera.

    (and may He grant you sabr) for all comes with time, which is Qad’r, may He bless you with the best of wives and grant you eternal joy and happyness. (And many children i want to be an aunt of course;)

    Allahumma Ameen ya rabbil Alameen!
    Wa Salaam ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu, UmmH

  4. M7MAD says:

    nice post , I Like it & your blog
    This reality must be change
    🙂

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